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Doug Horton

58 aphorisms  ·  2 comments

Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist

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Comment#  ·   Fair (76 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

To buy happiness is to sell soul.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (70 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

To hit bottom is to fall from grace.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (82 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

We are all serving a life sentence, and good behaviour is our only hope for a pardon.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (70 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

We may not always get what we want, but surely we will get what we deserve.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (112 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. -- they'll find something.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (77 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

While seeking revenge, dig two graves -- one for yourself.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (69 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Why ask why? If it's raining it just is.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (133 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Death is the final wake-up call.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (721 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Desperation is like stealing from the mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (126 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery -- drive fast and join the scenery.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (143 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

First rule of Economics 101: our desires are insatiable. Second rule: we can stomach only three Big Macs at a time.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (313 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Good ideas are a dime a dozen, bad ones are free.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (129 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Growing old is not growing up.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death and Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (121 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Happiness in the present is only shattered by comparison with the past.

Doug Horton, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (134 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If food were free, why work?

Doug Horton, in Work and Recreation

Comment#  ·   Fair (116 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If it looks like shit, smells like shit, mail it to your enemy -- he'll know what to do with it.

Doug Horton, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (106 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If the destination is heaven, why do we scramble to be first in line for hell?

Doug Horton, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (92 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If wishes were fishes we'd all be throwing nets. If wishes were horses we'd all ride.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (88 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (180 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn't come back, kill it!

Doug Horton, in Altruism and Cynicism and Love and Hate

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